At the recent Cincinnati tournament, my friend Ian had a suggestion. If “Chess Boxing” is a thing, maybe some similar hybrid would help make GO more visible in pop culture. He suggested that Kendo would be a fun combat sport to pair with GO. Not only is it another Asian pursuit, but it would be fun for participants and spectators as GO players whack each other in the head with Kendo sticks (with helmets, of course). Then we brainstormed some other possibilities:
Kendo GO
Like Chess boxing, at set intervals opponents get to hit one another over the head with kendo sticks, while wearing regulation kendo protective gear and helmets.
Pros: You get to whack your opponent over the head with a kendo stick
Cons: Your opponent gets to whack you over the head with kendo sticks
Pushup GO
Every time stones are captured, the player who got captured must do the same number of pushups as stones captured, with a time limit of 3 seconds per stone. So, if 5 stones are captured, you must do 5 pushups within 15 seconds, and so on.
Pros: Capturing dragons becomes much, much more meaningful
Cons: at my age, any capture of more than 3 stones of mine will result in my resignation
Sumo GO
At regular intervals, players break from the game and enter a dohyo in a temple and can win the game by pushing their opponent out of the circle within 60 seconds.
Pros: You get to wear a mawashi
Cons: I got enough pushy people in my life
Inflatable Sumo GO
In this variation, instead of wearing a mawashi, you wear an inflatable sumo suit like you see at carnivals and the like.
Pros: Laughter and joy
Cons: there’s no way to lose a game of GO while wearing a plastic, inflatable sumo suit and retain your dignity
Chess GO
Set up a GO board and a chess board next to each other. Winner must win both games.
Pros: mind games on steroids
Cons: having to play chess
Spelunking GO
Before the game begins, players are dropped into a random cave and must find their own way out. Whoever reaches the board first can start the clocks. Failing to reach the board before your time runs out means you’ve lost.
Pros: the beauty and majesty of stalagmites and stalactites
Cons: possibility of meeting cave-dwelling cannibals
Skydiving GO
Using magnetic or velcro game boards, play a full 19 x 19 game while skydiving. No parachutes until there is a winner.
Pros: They say everyone should try parachuting once.
Con: Only ever getting to try it once.
Whiskey GO
Only for players of legal drinking age, played in a bar. Every ten minutes each player takes a shot.
Pros: I did this once in New Zealand, but with flaming absinth. I remember nothing else about that evening, including who won
Con: running up a tab, memory loss, possibility of singing on bar
Standup Comedy GO
Do a 15-minute set. However many laughs you get equals the number of stones you’re allowed to play.
Pros: finally there’s a version of GO where I might win occasionally.
Cons: I might find out my comedy is as bad as my GO!
Karaoke GO
Singing while playing GO, doing both simultaneously.
Pros: no singing ability required
Cons: no singing ability required
Shark-jumping GO
A la the Fonz, using water skis to jump over a pit full of sharks. Played as a team, as any player is eaten, the next one takes their place. Winner is whoever is not eaten by a shark.
Pros: It doesn’t get more thrilling than this
Cons: Reinforces untrue stereotype of sharks as eating people on the regular
Additional Con: This whole article might have jumped the shark by now.